Thursday, April 12, 2007

Fire Imus! 18-More Months to Bush! Go Figure.

Yo. I’m still here. As for yesterday, let me explain: Deal with it. Until you start faithfully slipping unmarked twenty dollar bills into my pocket or paying for my tab at either Sherwin Williams or Charlie O’s, then you’ll have no leg to stand on when it comes to your bitching and moaning about the “audacity” of the character you’ve come to love and hate taking a day off. Yes, love and hate. That was the point, you dopes. [Editor’s note to those who hate Snarky: just spell my name right and make sure the links work correctly.]

But, my oh my, how you all like to play along. Let’s just consider it one big living novel, huh? We’ll dip and weave, dodge and meander, cut and run and otherwise just play, pretend and/or converse as if you’re really, really important and I’m just a painter guy who labors and thinks the day away while little secret facts about the real things going on around us fall into my lap like the heavy April snow. Clear? Good. Now let’s get on with it.

With all this talk about Don Imus and his rude behavior, I almost forgot that we were in a war that was actually killing hundreds of people a day. But at least it made me forget about the trauma of who is/was/could be/should be the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. Or, better yet, it almost made me totally forget that Gerald Ford is still dead. He did die, didn’t he?

I love the media. They make me forget about everything that matters. If I watch or listen to enough media, for example, I forget about Bush being the president and actually considering appointing a “war czar” to work with him. I forget all about the fact that Donald Rumsfeld is enjoying his riches and his retirement while the 150,000 soldiers he sent to an illegal war are still dodging bullets, being killed and maimed and getting inferior treatment. And I forget that our Congress is hell-bent on giving Bush more money for war and adding three months to each and every soldier’s tour of duty in Iraq. Thanks, Peter! Welch, that is.

But thanks to the media, I get 24/7 coverage of stupid coverage about one stupid man who said one stupid thing. And that helps me. It helps me a lot. Because if I didn’t have that one man and his stupid comment to worry about, I’d be worried about things like the war, impeachment, world peace, the environment, social justice, and – before I forget – the day-to-day struggle to make ends meet as a painter in a city that feels almost completely painted.

I’m just wondering why we don’t get on with it and demand that Don Imus receive the death penalty. I mean, with all this attention and outrage, the man clearly must die for his comments. Sure, we could arrange for it to be a “death with dignity,” but a death it clearly must be. Because we know that the pure America of today cannot and should not tolerate this kind of language on the airwaves. Not, of course, when the children might be listening! Oh, America, I love your purity!

If, for example, we allow the Imus’s of the world to continue with this kind of linguistic moral indecency, where will it stop? Before we know it, the press will be demanding that they be allowed to see the body bags of the soldiers heading home as corpses from Iraq. Or we’ll start to hear the voices and see the bodies of the Iraqis ravaged by the war we’re waging on their land and in their communities. Or, worse yet, they might even start to cover the kind of racism and classism that sends poor young black (and white, brown, yellow, green & purple) people to stand between bullets and oil profits. Indeed, Imus must die.

And all of the media must be cleansed! Because in a land of such moral purity (never mind the wars) and civility (never mind the real crimes) and the morals (never mind the daily bribes and lies) we cannot and should not tolerate insensitive speech! Yes, Imus must die, so that we can go on killing with the moral high ground that we need to continue to do that killing – all in the name of God, of course. Or something like that.

Oh wait, you ask, what about free speech? Whatever. That Constitution thing is sooooo yesterday.

But the real positive in all of this is that a precedent has been set. Because if Imus can be fired for offending 10 women basketball players, Bush can certainly be fired for offending the world. Ah, the silver lining is found once again.


When we last spoke, I challenged you, dear readers, to tell me something – anything! – that the Democrats believe in enough to actually fight for. Well, here’s a summary of the comments I received: Snarky Boy is a Candy Ass. Yep, I got pummeled with comments that basically wondered about my severe naiveté, political blindness, and just plain dopiness for even contemplating a Dem cause. And, you’re right, there isn’t one. Well, except for the cause that Charity from She's Right suggested: To get elected. Yep. Two points for Charity.


I’ve been working double time to finish up my inside (painting) jobs, thinking, like the optimistic Vermonter that I am, that warm and dry weather is coming and your friendly blogger/painter will soon be able to don the outdoor ladders and tackle the Liberty and College Street houses that their owners think need to be repainted. That’s the bad news. The good news is that I got ahead of myself and way too Snarky snappy with some offers to go back indoors, thus serving up what looks like some extended writing time in the coming weeks. But the really, really good news is that my first “Adventures with Snarky” collection is nearing completion and, hopefully, will be ready for some public readings soon. Stay tuned, my friends.