Monday, October 30, 2006

I'm Back. And Brian Dubie is Still an Idiot

Psst….hey… it safe to come back? I tried to erase my trail long enough to elude the ninnies. My goodness, talk about a lack of a sense of humor. And how seriously can we take Vermont politics for crying out loud? I mean, we’re a state that elects Jim Douglas for governor and Bernie Sanders for Senate. What the hell is that about? Don’t get me started.

Snarky Boy’s been busy. Real busy. But I’ve mostly been laying low and thinking and re-thinking my launch here. And I’ve come up with one conclusion: Fuck off.

There. Now let’s get on with the show.

Brian Dubie is an idiot.

That was easy. And I bet it won’t even cause a controversy. I mean, who could argue with that?

But what I don’t care about is Brian Dubie’s schedule. And Matt Dunne, his Democratic opponent, sure cares about it. Unless you’ve been on a trip to see the sun that is totally fucking AWOL here in Vermont, you know that Dunne has now made his entire campaign about incumbent Brian Dubie’s schedule.

Here’s Snarky Boy’s take on their very few debates of late:

Dunne: You’re never in your office.

Dubie: I don’t need to be in my office.

Dunne: But you’re never in your office.

Dubie: But I don’t need to be in my office.

Dunne: Well, I’m absolutely sure that you’re not in your office very much.

Dubie: Well, I’m absolutely sure I’ve told you that I don’t need to be in my office that much.

Dunne: Show me your schedule?

Dubie: Show me yours?

You get the picture (or lack thereof).

Dunne thinks Dubie hasn’t been working hard enough. But what Dunne doesn’t understand is that most Vermonters are thrilled that Dubie isn’t working hard enough. Because Dubie’s the kind of guy that if he really tries to work hard things will just get really, really fucked up. I’ll bet his wife even hates it when Dubie announces that he’ll be hanging around the house for the weekend to get things done because on Monday morning all that will be around are little Dubie messes everywhere. He’s the kind of guy, for example, who’d mow down the flowers thinking they were weeds and he was getting things done. But he’d flash that Dubie grin that says “I may be stupid but I’m happy stupid” grin and then his wife would remember the paychecks he miraculously brings home and kiss his sorry ass goodbye for the day. And, like the rest of us, she’ll have no fucking idea where he’s going. Worse, unlike Matt Dunne, she won’t care.

So, Mr. Dunne, please hear this: Would you rather a rightwing lunatic like Dubie be off studying his navel, flying unwitting passengers to who-knows-where, and otherwise pretending to be engaged or foisting his rather bizarre blend of idiot-boy-king-right-wingism on us? Please, Mr. Dubie, keep flying those planes for as long as you’re elected. And consider the public paycheck our way of saying: stay away from your office.