What is it about Barre’s mayor, Thomas Lauzon, that makes me want to dislike him? Oh wait, now I know: he was the little nerdy rich kid who thought – emphasis on “thought” – he knew everything. And then all you wanted to do was pick on him and then hope that someday he wouldn’t grow up to be mayor with a chip on his shoulder.
Damn. I lost that one, too. Because now little Tommy Lauzon IS the mayor and he seems hell bent on reminding everyone that he’s got the power to be an ass – legally. Whatever.
But before he gets too out of control with his little vengeance of the nerd stuff, could someone please remind him that he’s just the mayor of Barre? Good grief. Can you say: Napoleon complex? I knew you could.
Earth to Tommy – er, I forgot, he spells it “Thommy” because he can: Go to the Dunkin Donuts and shut the fuck up already.
For those who like to believe that the Barre end of the Barre-Montpelier Road doesn’t exist, let me clue you in on some of Lauzon’s very public antics. My favorite was when he decided to confront a Barre family for putting a sign in their window during the holiday season that said “Fuck X-mas.”
Lauzon didn’t just call the police on this one. He became the police. And with all the huffing and puffing of a man obsessed with taking the Barre out of Barre, he knocked on the door and demanded the removal of the sign. The owners, apparently knowing the old adage that it’s the small dogs that usually bite, asked the frantic mayor for the proper citation. Lauzon grabbed the appropriate key from his dangling keychain of importance, opened whatever office he needed to open, rifled through the laws of Barre, and then came back with the photo copy of the ordinance that said something like “no foul mouth signs.” And down it came. But – just as fast – out came the word from Thommy himself about his heroic mission, ridding Barre of the vulgar sign. So, dear heroin dealers and doers, rest assured, you won’t have your buzz trampled on by some foul mouth sign as long as Thommy’s in control.
Speaking of heroin, Thommy was also part of the highly publicized drug busts in Barre last winter. Oh baby, he was so proud of himself. He was cracking down – pun intended. But the people of Barre knew it was bullshit. They do, after all, live there. And they’ve seen it all before: crack down on one crack house or block and watch them scurry to the next house or block. But the Thommy Lauzon’s of the world will never quite figure out that it takes more than brick bats and the badges of power to fight drugs. It takes jobs, hope, opportunity and inclusion to win that war.
Speaking of inclusion, let’s look at Thommy’s very drug-free life. His wife, a collector of fancy horses, is the proud owner of an offspring of a horse owned by George Steinbrenner. Do the math on what that particular whinnying probably cost the family. Oh, you don’t know who Steinbrenner is? He’s the owner of the New York Yankees. Need I say more?
So how fucked up is that? The Mayor of Barre has a George Steinbrenner horse. I wonder if he takes it to Thunder Road?
One place I know he won’t take it to is Planet Rock, the Barre “gentleman’s club” that features things that make men not-so-gentle: boobs. Yeah, it’s a strip club. And Mayor Thommy decided from day one that he was going to hassle this historical Barre establishment right out of business.
Once again, Mayor Thommy and his curmudgeonly band of non-merry makers, threw the book at Planet Rock and its owner, Danny Garr. The charge? Well, the dancers apparently broke the Barre ordinance clearly put in place to harass them that declared that the dancers couldn’t get within three feet – three feet! – of the patrons.
Now, in a point of disclosure, let me admit to frequenting these kinds of clubs in my not-so-distant snarky past (you know – ahem -- innocent bachelor parties and all). And let me say that there is absolutely no way anyone could possible put the tips these ladies work for into the places they expect them to be put without coming within three INCHES of them. But three feet? Forgetabouit. The poor girls would starve. There I go, getting all politically correct and all.
Well, last fall one of Thommy’s little city narks was out and about and – gasp! – noticed someone obviously breaking the three-foot rule (that must have taken some real sleuthing!). And, to make a long story shorter, Thommy and the city of Barre threw the book at them, including stripping (pun intended again) them of their entertainment license and dragging them through a labyrinth of bureaucracy and public ridicule.
In the end, Mayor Thommy and the city council all but asked Garr and the other folks at Planet Rock to hold church services between dances in order to keep operating. Okay, okay, I’m exaggerating, but that’s my right, damn it.
In response, Garr announced last week that he’s suing Thommy, the city and all but one of the city councilors for violating his constitutional rights in their handling of his license renewal request. Oh baby, this one should get interesting. I’m just hoping that Garr gets a jury trial, gets Lauzon on the witness stand, and then tantalizes the crap out of him with the three-foot rule. Take that, Thommy!
But I guess all I really wanted to say was that I don’t like Mayor Lauzon. Try as hard as you want, Thommy, but you can’t take Barre out of Barre. So, please, get off your high horse – even if it is George Steinbrenner’s horse.
Snark on.
[Lauzon Update: Sorry, I had to get up and out the door this morning and I didn’t have time to look at the newspapers until lunch time. And, there it was, the headline story in the Times Argus that jarred my faulty memory on the other bit of over-lording Barre’s Mayor Thom has been up to: a teen curfew. Yep, he’s apparently trying to turn Barre into Baghdad – at least for teens – by forcing them off the streets by 10 p.m.
But, as David Delcore of the Times Argus reports today, Mayor Thom’s plan has hit a “speed bump” in the name of the Greater Barre Citizens Public Safety Committee, a group that voted overwhelmingly to nix the curfew idea and take its recommendation to the mayor and the city council tonight.
Oh yeah, I love it when people push back at this kind of nonsense. Bravo to this group. And bravo to the groups like New Directions for Greater Barre that actually work with teens to help them find some meaningful activities and stepped up to question this kind of punitive approach to wandering teens.
The people of Barre should be very concerned that their mayor is acting so tyrannical. He’s acting out the old adage that when you have a hammer everything looks like a nail. And Lauzon just keeps whacking anything and everything that gets in his way or his rather undemocratic vision.
Please, Barre, stop this madman. And let him get an earful tonight. Because Barre ain’t Baghdad. And Barre’s teens ain’t terrorists. They’re just kids looking for some direction – er, make that New Directions.]
