Saturday, August 19, 2006

Memo to My Liberal Blogging Friends

Contrary to the rumors I heard on the street, Snarky Boy is not dead yet!

Ha! Take that, you stuffy little blogger community.

After a day on a four-step ladder, painting state-office hallways and offices, the Snarkmaster took a stroll to my favorite watering holes in Montpelier. Yep, more than one. And in more than one I got greeted by the chatter of blogger gossip. To those fellas who find it so funny that the sultans of stuffiness haven’t figured out my identity yet, consider this: The stuffmasters aren’t real people.

They mostly represent the worst strain in liberalism: bullshitters. They ain’t real folk; they barely work honest days of work; and they certainly wouldn’t be caught dead in a bar rubbing shoulders with the Harley crowd, other workers, and – heaven forbid – free thinkers. Sure, the freethinking I was a part of last night involved far too many beers and more than a couple complimentary shots of whisky (aka: free drinking), but it was real.

Besides, all the members of Vermont’s stuffy little liberal blogging community were at the Ned Lamont event last night. You know, the place where people paid $50 or more to rub shoulders with people who shared their myopic worldview.

Life would be so simple if I could just get myself to believe the same bullshit as the Lamont liberals. Just think about it, I’d be happy to waste – er, I mean – donate $50 to a multimillionaire. I’d swim in the happy and delusional waters that the current state of the Democratic Party has a plan to rescue us. I’d be offering words of encouragement – not deeds or donations – to the under-classes from a very safe distance (like, for example, a swanky Burlington boathouse). I’d be flabbergasted by the “foul” language of those same working underclass folk, and be relieved to be in a room of clean, shiny people, where concern can be not just dignified but very, very distant. Fuck that.

What these Lamont liberals don’t get is that they’ve been eating from this dream fruitcake for generations. I guess amnesia has to be a big part of believing that “the next” milquetoast Democrat is going to be the answer to our problems. Hell, there are even seemingly rational, bright people running around the so-called socialist republic of Vermont thinking Hillary Clinton is on our side.

Hello! Do any of you folks remember what Hillary did when she was the queen of the White House? Let me remind you: Not a goddamn thing. In fact, she did more damage than anything. Sure, she got all hot about health care but then she did what all spineless liberals do when they bump up against the kind of opposition that makes you take a stand: she bailed out. As a result, this nation has been stuck in the same health care crisis ever since, with every attempt to revive it being given the same chicken shit lecture: remember Hillary tried! No, Hillary fucked it up.

But now, thanks to a heavy dose of liberal bland cream, Hillary is being talked about as the next great liberal hope. Yeah sure, but we’ll ignore her history on health care. We’ll ignore her support for the war. We’ll ignore her support for the U.S.A. Patriot Act. And we’ll most certainly ignore her wishy-washy nonsense on flag burning.

Sorry, but that’s some strong Kool-aid they’re drinking, folks. And I’d prefer to get real, have a beer and confront these fools with the error of their ways. Because, if this plan fails, at least I’ve still got a good buzz.

But the day after kind of sucks. Until, that is, Saturday night begins. See you at the bars.