Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Vermont Blogger Self-Love-Fest

Oh fuck, here we go again. The incestuous little Vermont blogging community is about to embark on one of their little “goddamn, I love myself” endeavors. It’s sooooo Vermont. Only a few weeks removed from their navel-gazing-fest of a blogger picnic, whereby they basically dropped everything political to stop for an afternoon and gaze in one another eyes to say, “I love you,” but think, “I will only love myself, sucker,” now the wannabe-gatekeepers of Vermont blogger-think are ruminating on a conference. And whom will it feature? Well, themselves, of course. Fuck. I’ve got a better idea: Why don’t they all just look into their mirrors and repeat these lines: “You’re hot. You’re great. You’re funny. You’re smart. You’re different.” And then – and only then – they might spare use us the endless goddamn entries on the specifics of their next public masturbatory session.

For the fun of it, go to Cathy Resmer’s 802online site, and see the discussion begin to form about the blogger conference. My favorite angle is the oh-so-fucking-serious discussion about whether or not the conference should “be political”. What the fuck? And this from bloggers who blather without end about the beauty of political blogging? Aren’t these the same candy-ass word pimps who were just bragging about the blogosphere and its role in the Ned Lamont phenomena? Oh yeah, we can’t do that in Vermont. Up here, we can only cheer that shit from afar and then hold our political assholes so tight that we can barely shit a thought that matters.

Speaking of shitting a thought, here’s what my secret web cam is picking up from the Green Mountain Daily bathroom cam: “Oh no, I’m about to pass a bad thought about Bernie. But wait, he’s not one of us. Or is he? I’m so fucking confused. But I must fight the confusion. I must move to thoughts beyond the border. I must think Connecticut, where they fight the pro-war candidates. I must think positive. I must think about how the meaningless – oops, I mean meaningful – Democratic health care plan really matters. Oh great, I’m done. Now I will wipe my liberal ass and get excited about the blogger panel I’m sure to be invited to in October!”

Good fucking grief.

By all means, keep the politics out of your blogger conference. We wouldn’t, after all, want to make people think we have opinions. That’s sooooo NOT Vermont.

In Vermont, as we all know by now, we turn to our “alternative” publications and leaders to learn where to “alternatively” shop. I, for example, only want to know where it’s cool to shop. Who it’s cool to read. And where it’s cool to be seen.

That’s why I send “I spies” about myself to 7 Days. I want to know that you know that there MIGHT be others who want my ass. Please, tell me you do that to, don’t you?

That’s soooooo Vermont.

I should have stayed on the fucking ladder. Life was easy on the ladder today, so free from this nonsense.

P.S. If you do, indeed, go to the Resmer’s site, beware of the entry about her “sperm donor.” Please, Ms. Cathy, do you really want me to think about you and a sperm donor? I was in a fucking cold sweat all night trying to contemplate that little donation. Can’t you just keep that shit to yourself?